Twenty five dolla make you Holla

January 9, 2010

Turkmenistan is, overall, an extremely safe country. With the exception of a few insane taxi rides and an unpleasant incident with my banya gas heater, I have never felt my life was in immediate danger.

Turkmen people are, for the most part, extremely gentle and that's one thing I love the most about being here.

Yet today, five days before my departure, I had an encounter unlike any other. I was in a city about 45 minutes north of Yoloten and I got in a taxi heading home. Unfortunately, when we stopped in Turkmengala, fifteen minutes away from Yoloten, everyone else in the taxi got out.

"Are you still going to Yoloten?" I asked.

"Yes," he said. "We'll just wait for more people to come."

And then he looked at me long and hard and asked me where I was from. I told him I was from the America and he proceeded to stare at me.

"You are SO beautiful," he said. "I really, REALLY like you."

And he continued to stare at me and tell me how much he liked me, making no effort at all whatsoever to find other clients for his taxi.

"Uhhhh...okay dude are you going to Yoloten or what?" I asked.

"I really, REALLY like you," he said. "Can I kiss you?"

"NO!!!!!" I yelled. "If you're not going to Yoloten, then just tell me so I can find someone else!"

"I'll go, I'll go," he said. But he continued to stare at me. "I really, REALLY like you."

He reached over to the glove compartment and pulled out some money. About 25 dollars worth of manat. He leaned over and handed me the money.

"This is for you," he said. "I really, REALLY like you."

I immediately freaked out.

"WHY are you giving me this money!?!" I screamed at him. "WHY!"

"Because I REALLY like you," he said with a creepy smile.

"I do NOT want your money!" I yelled and threw it back at him. Luckily at that moment a bus going to Yoloten pulled up to the taxi stand. I jumped out of the car and headed toward the bus.

"Wait, you didn't pay me for the taxi ride!" he yelled.

"YOU are an asshole and you should be ashamed of yourself," I said to him in English as I shoved my taxi fare at him.

"But I don't know English," he said.

"Oh, go to hell," I replied.